Ashleigh Banfield Story

Kathleen: It's obvious you find your work extremely gratifying? How do you maintain your identity as "Ashleigh" and not just "the wife, the mom or the career woman?"
Ashleigh: I have never pigeonholed myself into one role or another. I have always seen my "role" in life as being "Ashleigh." And "Ashleigh" simply plugs into a variety of different jobs: wife, mom, broadcaster, daughter, sister, customer, commuter, working stiff! As far as being an "anchorwoman" is concerned, I took a risk back in the eighties when I started in this business and approached news broadcasting as myself instead of approaching it as a female version of Cronkite. To be honest, I didn't think I could pull off the role-playing! So instead I just showed up on the set as "Ashleigh" and hoped to hell people wouldn't recoil! I did worry that there would be that element out there who might feel that I couldn't be taken seriously if I didn't deepen my voice and speak in staccato and elocate "properly." However, it seems the trend in television has migrated towards broadcasters adopting a more natural presentation style. Lucky for me it's a formula that has worked.

Kathleen: Have you ever complained that you were completely overwhelmed and a friend or family member countered with a snide remark that you should stay home? If so, how do you handle that?
Ashleigh: No one has ever told me I should stay at home; but I have heard that I should cut back a little. Well that's easier said than done. TV is a business that comes at you fast and goes away even faster! You can't always pick and choose your projects. You have to maximize on what's in front of you at any given moment. You can try to plan but in the end you have to fit your world into your work as best you can.

I often wondered what the deadlines of women (like Carly Fiorina, former CEO of Hewlett Packard, Andrea Jung of Avon Products, Anne Mulcahy of Xerox and Meg Whitman of Ebay) who run these enormous corporations are like? I only know about literal television news deadlines, but I have never understood how female executives juggle the massive responsibilities that come with running mega corporations. What kind of deadlines, stresses, and criticisms do they manage every day? How do THEY juggle a home life? It's all relative, but the toughest job in my book, if you're talking about managing scheduling, is the President of the United States. Thank goodness he has first Lady. I need a First Lady!!! My friends all tell me what they really need is a "wife!"

Kathleen: Perhaps it's because men and women are wired differently?
Ashleigh: Yes, I think we're wired differently, but I think we're also conditioned differently, too. And that may be the greater part of the equation. We are conditioned to be responsible for the emotional balance of the family and therefore if it's not being maintained it's our fault. Not theirs. It's our fault and I think it is all environmental conditioning of how we are raised. My nanny really takes that burden off of me. And again, I couldn't function without her. It's a tremendous help.

Kathleen: Do you feel jealous when your nanny witnesses monumental events with your son?
Ashleigh: No! Not at all. Funny enough, I thought I would feel very jealous the first few times my son reached out for her instead of reaching for me. I felt the opposite. I felt very relieved because he spends a lot of time with her, and I want him to be in love with her. He is in love with her, and he is very safe and secure with her. In turn, I feel very safe, secure, and comfortable knowing he is so happy. That was tremendous for me to learn and I never expected that.

I witnessed [a] first milestone on the train late at night when my husband sent me a text message saying Fishy (nickname for Fisher) was walking. Oh, isn't that something else! I didn't feel that I was missing it because I was en route home. It wasn't as though it would go on for weeks or months without me there seeing it. I could have been at the grocery store or any where. So, I didn't feel as though I was missing any thing. Plus, my nanny sends me SMS messages with photos attached of little things he is doing. Sometimes when I am sitting at my desk, I get these cute little pictures of him at a petting zoo.

Kathleen: You are so lucky that you found a nanny you can trust.
Ashleigh: I feel so blessed in that way…Sometimes you just have to count your blessings and try to meditate yourself back to that space. A lot of times that is what I will revert back to--the fact that I'm luckier than the average [mother] with a person who helps me function and helps my son function. I think that is a good way for me to remember what is important.

Kathleen: Do you feel sexy being pregnant?
Ashleigh: Hell no. I'm a bad pregnant. I was 190 pounds when I gave birth to Fisher, and he was five weeks early! Imagine how much I would have weighed had I gone full term! I feel rather lumpy, and at times my ankles look the size of my thighs. Yesterday, I interviewed supermodel Carol Alt. Imagine standing besides this 5'10", 125 pound gazelle. What a humorous dichotomy, as I stand 5'6 and currently weighing in at 160. If I couldn't find the humor in it, it would be tragic.

Kathleen: What is your exercise regimen?
Ashleigh: Lately, I haven't been exercising much due to my commuting schedule. But I do walk a lot to and from the trains and around New York City. I try to run or take a brisk walk with the stroller. I used to do Pilates once a week in the city and run in Central Park, but with a three hour commute to the suburbs it's difficult.

Kathleen: Now that you are a Mom and co-host of Banfield & Ford, how do maintain an emotional distance when you are covering cases about children -- if you can at all?
Ashleigh: I'm in my nineteenth year in broadcasting and as a cub reporter growing up in the business, I remember hearing people say my prospective on the stories I cover would completely change when I had children. At that time I didn't believe them. Now, I find there are times when I'm on the air covering certain stories, I literally have to get a Kleenex because I am weeping. That has never happened before. The first time I was hit really hard was when I was listening to the parents who were testifying in the Rhode Island Night Club fire a few years back. They were giving statements of the loss of their adult children. I just remember being unable to control the tears. I think that is what happens when you realize what the most important part of being on this earth is all about. What it all boils down too is this: the stories, the politics in the news, the suffering and all of the rest really hit home, and hit home in ways that they wouldn't otherwise. Sometimes we deal with some pretty sad fare on our show and sometimes it really does get to me.

Kathleen: It's obvious your husband adores you and is supportive of your work. Has he ever hinted at needing more alone time with you?
Ashleigh: No he is really good that way. Howard is very encouraging and has never felt that he played second fiddle. He is very busy as well, and between the two of us we both try to seek out time for each other. My husband does not complain, and he is very secure. That's why I was so drawn to him. He is my best friend, and he is a great person. He sends me text messages saying I love you in absence of one another.

Kathleen: Do you prepare for your shows at home or in the studio?
Ashleigh: One of the ways I try to balance it all is by allocating my research time. I carry a bag with six to ten files and I use my commute time effectively by reading, researching, and completing my files. The last part of my workday happens after my son is in bed. Thank goodness for digital age. Clearing up email at home is a blessing. Or a curse. I'm still trying to figure it out.

Continued

Kathleen: How do you balance giving your job, your husband, your son, and your friends, equal amount of time? When you feel yourself short circuiting what do you do to calm down?
Ashleigh: I look forward to the weekend when things are slow, but I'm still working through all of this as it is still so new to me. I welcome recommendations.

Kathleen: How do you stay connected to your family on a day-to-day basis while you travel to your work?
Ashleigh: My husband and I just bought a house this past December in the suburbs, and both of us commute now to the city for work. In a way, I am traveling as I am on a train every day for an hour. It's difficult, as I have to be diligent about managing my hours. I really try hard to get home every night before 7 p.m. If I get home before 7, it's an early night. Half the time, half of my week I'm home at 10 o'clock at night. Even though my son is only 16 months, he lets me know it if I haven't been around.

Kathleen: So, how do you cope when your son says "Mommy, I need attention from you?"
Ashleigh: I complain a lot to get it off of my shoulders. It's tough as women have an unfair shake these days. We're expected to be able to manage the same kind of schedule that men have managed for years without the added burdens of home duties. When I say home duties, I don't mean cooking and cleaning. I mean running a household, which we all know is an administrative and full time job. There are times when I think, wouldn't it be luxurious if I could just run this house the way it supposed to be run rather than scattered shot efforts of trying to keep everything together? I think some day down the road our children or our grandchildren will achieve a better balance for women who want to work and have a family home. I think men are making great strides of understanding their responsibility. But they have a long way to go. I think these days they feel as though they pitch in tremendously if they are taking out the garbage and they're fulfilling their chore list. But the truth is that someone has to maintain the chore list and that is where it behooves women to keep the organizational aspect of the house together which is an enormous burden. That is the road more men will co-op the responsibility of organizing and maintaining the working household. This means allocating the duties, and not just accepting your list and accomplishing half of it.

Kathleen: Do you have help?
Ashleigh: Yes, I have a nanny who should be sainted or canonized. I couldn't function without her. She takes an enormous amount of my emotional burden off of me because she is so good with my son. It is not as though she is one of those whiz people who do everything so I don't have too. It's more about what she offers my son in child rearing. She is so good at what she does that I feel safe in being able to come to the office and on occasion get home late. Of course, it does chip away at that guilt factor. I think many women suffer with the guilt factor in a way that men don't. And I am not sure why men don't suffer that guilt factor when they're working long hours and away from their families.