Newsweek ran a cover story warning of the dangers of overindulging our children. It seems that materialism in our culture has taken strong root in our kids, and it not only contributes to poor behavior, it can be the cause of life-long dissatisfaction and depression. It is so prevalent in the current generation; they've been referred to in the media as Generation X-cess.
How did we become such a permissive group of parents? Many speculate that the affluence of the 90's is partly to blame, as are the increasing demands placed on parents which reduce the quality time they can spend with their kids. Faced with these pressures, many parents are more concerned with making their kids happy than with setting appropriate limits. Granting a child his every wish may make him happy in the short term, but it is bound to create problems later in life when his wishes are not so easily granted. Here are some steps to take that will help you create a more balanced approach.
No Means No
Parents need to start early in establishing the power of the word no. According to Newsweek, children ask for an item an average of nine times before parents eventually give in and buy it for them. Make it a rule in your household that you give thorough consideration to each request; but once you've made a decision, it must stick. If your kids learn that all it takes is repeated pestering to acquire the latest fad, then you'll face reduced authority and a constant state of pressure to give in.
Develop Your Child's EQ
Daniel Goleman reported in his book, Emotional Intelligence, that a person who is better at managing his/her emotions is more likely to be successful than those with a high IQ. Those with a high EQ (Emotional Quotient) were better at a host of emotional skills, including impulse control, anger management, interpersonal relationships, and delay of gratification. If we give in to our children frequently, we endanger their growth in these areas. If we want to raise successful children, we need to focus on helping them learn how to master their impulses, set goals, and cope with disappointment.
Set a Good Example
It may be difficult to say no to your kids if you are modeling excessive consumer behavior yourself. Have you fallen into the trap of working harder simply to buy more? How will you know when you've acquired enough? Do you feel satisfied with your home, your car, your clothes, yourself? Do you suspect that your feelings of self worth are overly dependent on the things that you own? Corporate America has been sending us a consistent message no matter what they're trying to sell: you'll be happier, smarter, and more popular if you buy their products. Critically examine how much you've been affected by these beliefs, and then take a stand against them. Learn to be content with what you already have. Your children will learn a lot just from your example.
Limit Commercials
One of the most powerful steps you can take in limiting the effect of consumer culture on your family is to avoid commercials and all other forms of advertisement as much as possible. You can watch television with your kids and mute it during commercials, or you can limit your children to videos and PBS. A new method of controlling what your kids watch is to use a Digital Video Recorder like TiVo®, which allows you to record programs and then easily fast forward through commercials. Some parents have even taken the ultimate step of turning off the television completely. However you achieve this goal, the important thing is to communicate your reasoning to your children. Explain to them why you object to watching commercials, and point out the ways in which advertisers try to manipulate their emotions. It is never too early to make your child an educated consumer.
State Your Values Clearly
You'll have far less difficulty saying no to your children and sticking to it, if you have a clear reason for doing so and can express it to them. If they think that you are arbitrarily denying them something they want, they might try to find ways to undermine your authority. If, however, you can state clearly that you don't wish for your daughter to play with Barbie because you believe that the doll fosters a negative body image; then your daughter will at least respect your decision, even if she doesn't like it.
Don't be Afraid to be Different
Parents today seem to think that they are in a giant popularity contest. They want their kids to like them, and they want to fit in with the families in their community. All a child has to argue is that "everybody has one", and it is reason enough to run out and buy the desired gadget. Dare to be different! Dare to be unpopular! Take pride in being known as the strict parents in town, or the hippie parents who don't like TV, or the health nuts who won't allow processed food in their home. Your kids may complain, but if you give them a strong family identity, they'll have a great response to peer pressure, "Gee, I wish I could go to that R rated movie too, but you know my parents. They're just so strict!" Here is one case where being the bad guy really allows you to do good.
It has always been a challenge to parent children wisely, yet it seems that today's society is making it ever more difficult. Though we may be pressed for time and under pressure, it is important that we realize what the stakes are in giving in to our children and take steps to set better limits. There may be many voices calling out to your children to buy more and more and to base their happiness on the quality of their 'stuff', but ultimately, it is to you that your children will look for guidance. Be ready to provide it!
About the Author
Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids™. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and assists parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She serves on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine. Sign up for her biweekly Parenting Solutions newsletter at www.bitskit.com.
Experts say that toy cell phones and portable stereos may be damaging our children's hearing by delivering potentially deafening decibel levels to their ears. Coupled with loud blockbuster movies and computer games targeted to young people, our youth may be at increased risk for noise-induced hearing loss (NIHL) -- a common, but preventable form of injury.
More than 30 million Americans are exposed to hazardous sound levels on a regular basis, and an estimated 10 million already have hearing loss from noise. The National Center for Environmental Health conducted a study of noise-induced hearing threshold shifts (NITS) among U.S. children and found that 14.9 percent of children between the ages of 6 and 19 years have hearing loss in one or both ears. The study suggests that children are being exposed to excessive amounts of hazardous levels of noise. How loud is too loud? According to guidelines established by the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH), regular or prolonged exposure to noises over 85 dB (decibels) can pose a hearing risk.
"In general, if you have to raise your voice to be heard, the environment is too loud for your ears, says researcher Sig Soli, Ph.D, House Ear Institute. "And the louder the sound, the less time it takes before your hearing will be affected. Just 15 minutes at a rock concert can subject you to 100 decibels or more of damaging sound -- the maximum duration of exposure for that sound level. Cranking up the volume too high on a stereo or headset can pose a similar risk."
In an increasingly noisy world, digital technology has compounded the problem of noise exposure by allowing us to increase volume levels on our stereos and headsets without sound distortion. Digital technology is popular with teens and pre-teens, making them more vulnerable to noise-induced hearing loss. Parents can set a good example by turning down the volume levels of all household stereos and wearing hearing protection around other noise sources like power tools and vacuum cleaners, and should encourage children to wear hearing protection (ear plugs or ear muffs) in noisy environments.
Advise kids to follow these tips for hearing conservation: avoid loud noises in excess of 85 decibels, lower volume levels on your stereo and wear earplugs in noisy environments. Here are the sound output levels of some activities that could pose a risk for hearing:
* Movies with super sound systems can range from 80 to 100 decibels
* Concerts/Live Music can range from 100 to 120 decibels
* Games in sports stadiums can range from 80 to 100 decibels
* Portable CD/MP3 Players at full volume can range from 100 to 115 decibels
"Concerned parents can protect their younger children's sensitive ears by choosing quieter toys or lowering the volume on noisy toys by taping over speakers or removing batteries, says James D. Boswell, CEO, House Ear Institute. "You can help your older children save their hearing by teaching them that loud noise is a potential health danger. If you buy them an MP3 player or a noisy computer game, take the time to demonstrate the safe sound level limits to protect their ears from permanent damage."
For more information on hearing and hearing loss, visit the House Ear Institute (HEI) Web site at www.hei.org or call (213) 483-4431 and ask about the Institute's Sound Partners hearing conservation program.
Courtesy of ARA Content
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