Dear Readers:
I am going to deviate from my normal styling/grooming questions for men this month. I have been inundated with questions from women on the following "Where are the good men?
Dear Lady Barber:
I have been really depressed lately. I am ready to settle down and get married, and I am having a difficult time in meeting someone I like. I've been dating, but honestly I don't feel there are great men out there. Is it because I live in New York City? How is a girl supposed to meet someone wonderful in Manhattan? Perhaps it's time to move to Alaska?
-Lonely and frustrated in New York City.
Dear Lonely and Frustrated:
Well, you certainly could move to Alaska or any place in the world for that matter. However, there is one problem you haven't thought about. You will be taking "you along with you. There is not a shortage of great men. The only shortage there is, is in your thinking.
I constantly hear this from women in the city, and I was even guilty of thinking like this at one time. It's much easier to point the finger at something or someone else instead of assuming responsibility for your own life. This is what I learned. You are the sole creator of your life. You must assume for responsibility for yourself. Everyone has some kind of hardship in their life at one time or another that is difficult for them, for example, weight issues, financial matters, health problems etc. There will always be something. However, one needs to accept it and not wallow in it. You must assume the responsibility and choices of where you are at any given time. Drive your car! Quit being the passenger and allowing life to pass you by! Prince Charming is not going to come to galloping on his horse to your front door.
The first thing to do is truly ask yourself what will make you happy with yourself at this point in your life. If it is marriage, then state that clearly. Make sure you feel that deep down in your gut. I have said that many times but only to find that I kept attracting men who wouldn't commit. After spending time alone, I realized that I wasn't ready marriage at that time in my life. I am now, and once I figured it all out, my dating life changed for the better. Here is what I have learned: You will always attract yourself in any given situation. So if it is marriage you truly want, sooner or later you will attract the right man for yourself.
BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR INTENTION! State it out loud or write it down. It's liberating and extremely powerful.
BE POSITIVE! Please deal with your toxicity. No one is going to save you, love you, and make you feel great about yourself. That is all up to you. You want a healthy, loving, respectful relationship? Then be healthy, loving and respectful to yourself.
Finally, GET OUT THERE AND DATE UP A STORM! Here is how.
1) Tell everyone you know you are looking for a serious commitment that leads to marriage. Tell your family, co-workers, friends, etc. Everyone knows someone.
2) Try Internet dating. There are so many sites from Match.com, J-Date, Catholic Singles.com, Eharmony.com to many others. Put your picture and a truthful bio of yourself and see what happens.
3) Go on every blind date. Yes, you can meet some wonderful men that way. What is the worst thing that could happen? You make another friend. You can always fix him up with your best friend.
4) Go out alone! You heard me ladies. Leave your girlfriends behind and go out by yourself! If that makes you uncomfortable, walk into an event/after hour's club with your best friend and then separate. It's very intimidating for men to approach a group of women. Be the lure and allow him to be the hunter. Stick to the basics. They do work just as they did centuries ago! Stand and smile. By smiling you give the guy the invitation to approach you. That is how simple it is. It's no different than flossing your teeth. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
All you have to do is get out there. Do whatever you need to do and feel really good about yourself. Remember it's all up to you. Be responsible for your life. Take control, and you will see wonderful things happen for you!
Kathleen
